Another Hit story by Pete

Highwaters

(and other love songs)

                           By Pete Schulte

Security guard and songwriter Tommy Feely walked into the reception area of the office of Mr. Wallace Strong, head of music publishing at Wonderdog Records. The office was immense, and crowded with other hopefuls such as himself. Tommy introduced himself to the receptionist.

“Oh,” she said. “So you’re Mr. Feely. Please, go right in. Mr. Strong is expecting you.”

“Really?” questioned Tommy. “Go right in? Me?”

“Of course,” she replied, gesturing toward the large door with Mr. Strong’s name on it. “Go right in.”

The other folks in the reception area glared at Tommy, but what could he do? His heart was madly beating but enter the door he did. A large man smoking a cigar sat behind the biggest desk he’d ever seen. Tommy crossed deep shag carpeting and made his way toward the desk. “Ah, Mr. Feely,” said Wallace Strong. “So good of you to come.”

“I can’t believe I got in to see you so soon, Mr. Strong. It’s such an honor to meet you.”

Tommy reached his right hand as far as he could across the vast desk, and was just able enough to shake hands with Wallace Strong. After further pleasantries Tommy was offered a chair. He could barely see over and across the desk but at least he was in his office, the great Wally Strong of Wonderdog Records.

“Tommy, I’m a blunt man. Do you mind that I’m a blunt man?”

“No, Mr. Strong, not at all. In fact I kind of prefer it.”

“That’s swell, Tommy, swell,” said Mr. Strong. “Now before we get started we have to do something about your name. Tommy Feely does nothing for me, understand? It’s nothing against you, but I don’t see you as a Tommy, I see you as a Touchy.”

“Touchy Feely?”

“Exactly. Now Touchy Feely is a name to remember. One day, Touchy Feely will see his name in lights.”

“Well,” said Tommy (or Touchy), “I guess that’s okay.”

“Great, Kid, now show me what you’ve got. Knock my socks off.”

Touchy forked over the sheets to his first song and let Mr. Strong peruse at his leisure. “So, you’re song is called…”

“Highwaters. That’s right, Mr. Strong.”

“And it’s about pants?”

“That’s correct.”

“Let me read back to you the lyrics so that we’re on the same page. That okay with you, Touchy?”

“Certainly, Mr. Strong.”

“Highwaters!

Did your mama buy those pants?

Highwaters!

Don’t even think that you can dance.

Highwaters!

Kid, you never had a chance.

Highwaters!

Are you preparing for a flood?

Highwaters!

You got protection from the mud.

Highwaters!

How you gonna ever score some bud?”

Wallace Strong stared at the sheet for a long time. Touchy fidgeted in his seat. Finally Mr. Strong lowered the sheet. “Is there a melody to this, some music to go with the words?”

“Not quite yet, though there will definitely be music. Most definitely.”

“You know what, Kid?” said Mr. Strong. “Forget about the music. We’ll add the music later, any kind of music will do. Listen, Touchy, what you’ve given me here is pure gold, solid gold with a bullet to the top. It’s dynamite. Man, where did you get this?”

“I’m so glad you like it, Mr. Strong. I thought I had something and now you’ve confirmed it. I’m so overjoyed.”

“Kid, Wally Strong has been in the business for a long time and I know a winner when I see one. You’ve got moxie, you’ve got the chops. Kid, do you know who is on the Mount Rushmore of songwriters?”

“I have no idea.”

“There’s Bob Dylan, Lennon & McCartney…and you.”

“Me?”

“Kid,” said Mr. Wallace Strong, “with just one song you’ve pushed Joni Mitchell off of Mount Rushmore. What do you think of that?”

“I love Joni Michell.”

“Kid!” shouted Mr. Strong. “Touchy Feely takes a back seat to nobody -- not even Joni Mitchell. You hear?”

“Yes, sir.”

Wally Strong immediately picked up his phone. Before dialing he said to Touchy, “Listen, I’ve got an in with Katy Perry’s people. Watch me work.”

Mr. Strong spoke with a ‘Rodney’ on the other end of the line. He informed Rodney that there was a new player in the game, one Touchy Feely, and Katy Perry better get on board or his songs go straight to Miley. Rodney let him know that Katy would record his song tomorrow. That wasn’t good enough for Wally Strong. “If you want a Touch Feely song, Rodney, you record today! None of this tomorrow shit.”

So Katy Perry soon released Highwaters  and, of course, it went straight to the top. Now they wanted more gold from Touchy Feely.

“Kid,” said Wally Strong, “what have you got for me?”

“It’s a song I call Smitty Did It. Mostly instrumental but in the background every once in a while you hear the words ‘Smitty did it.’ I haven‘t got the music yet, but…”

“Smitty did it? What’d he do?”

“Hell if I know.”

“Kid, just when I think you can’t possible top yourself, you top yourself. It’s unbelievable. Because, as we all know, kids are crazy about jazz!”

The end.