Greg returned home after a long day at work to his wife, Alma, and their newborn daughter, Gina. Only Gina was nowhere to be found. A panicked Greg said to Alma, “Honey, where’s the baby?” Alma said nothing, but pointed up at the ceiling.
“What the?” said an aghast Greg as he gazed up at his diapered baby hovering gently near the ceiling.
“She’s been up there nearly an hour,” said Alva. “I can’t get her to come down. I think she’s actually sleeping.”
“Well,” said Greg, scratching his head, “sleeping or no sleeping, the ceiling is no place for a baby.”
“Hey,” said Alma, “I’ll feed the baby and I’ll change the baby, but I won’t be peeling her off the ceiling for you. That’ll be your job, buddy.”
“Fair enough,” replied Greg. “Fair enough. I’ll go fetch the ladder. You call Dr. Hobbs. This is all highly irregular.”
Greg carefully retrieved Gina from the ceiling, then all three raced to Dr. Hobbs’ office. Once inside, the doctor asked Greg and Alma why they’d brought little Gina in. Greg said nothing while Alma released the baby from her grasp. Rather than falling to the floor, Gina simply levitated at about eye level to the adults in the room.
“By golly you’ve got a floater!” said old Doc Hobbs. “Why I haven’t seen one of these in years,” he said while casually waving his hand beneath the levitating baby. “I’ll be darned…”
“But what do we do?” asked Greg.
“What do you do?” laughed the doctor. “What do you do? You don’t do anything is what you do. Enjoy the spectacle I guess.”
Dr. Hobbs inquired as to whether Greg and Alma were first time parents. They were. He then counseled them not to panic, that although floaters were a rarity for sure, they were not entirely unheard of. He informed the frightened parents that Gina was small and light even for a baby, and that gases had simply built up inside her and caused her to levitate. She would eventually burp and fart and return on her own to the safety of their arms. Dr. Hobbs relayed that he had seen some floaters in the past climb down the curtains themselves when they were hungry enough. “They always return to the boob, right Greg?” said the doctor with a wink in his eye. “Am I right?”
“What are you asking me for?” replied Greg. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“Seriously,” said the doctor, “it’s nothing to worry about. Just make sure to keep her tethered if you take her outside, and keep watch for birds of prey. Otherwise, she’ll be fine. Fine I say. Why I once had a floater that made it clear over to Omaha before we got him back down to solid earth. Now that boy was some kind of floater, some kind of floater indeed. They don’t make them like that anymore.”
“Hey, I bet my Gina could make it past Omaha,” said Greg, proudly.
“Now you’re talking!” Doc Hobbs replied. “That’s the spirit I like to hear.”
In the end, Gina floated for two more seasons until she put some weight on her and never took that kind of flight again. But every now and then her parents keep one eye on the sky, and bid a sigh of relief every time a belch escapes from Gina’s tiny body.
The end.
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| Here comes Santa Claus! |
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| Red |
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| Manger scene |
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| Not much going on in the garden this time of year. |
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